The Long Way to Flagstaff

I want to do two things with this post. One — encourage fathers to take control of their time and focus on building up their kids. Two — show you how I managed to juggle those two responsibilities in a single trip north.

Get a Mutual Hobby

I've tried my best over the years to find something that my kids enjoy and that I can genuinely be passionate about alongside them. With my oldest sons, it was powerlifting. With my youngest, Asher, it's photography. The girls are a tougher code to crack — but that's a different post. We got this.

The point is simple: find the thing that puts you in the same room — or on the same road — doing something together that neither of you has to fake interest in. That's where the real conversations happen. Not across a dinner table with a TV on. Not in a ten-minute car ride to school. On the long stretches. In the quiet between stops.

Spend Focused Time

We had to go up north to visit with a client. That required work. But I left a day early — and that day became ours.

Asher and I got up at 5 a.m. on a Friday morning and took the long way to Flagstaff. The looonnnnngggg way. Through Williamson Valley. Through Yarnell. Through Peeples Valley. No rush. No agenda other than each other.

The first part of this trip had clear expectations: this was about me and Asher. Or better yet — Asher and me. The client could wait. The bonding couldn't.

Use the Time with Purpose

The hours on the road had a precise agenda underneath the freedom. I wanted to hear about his world — his friends, his views, his challenges. And he opened up. We had the kind of conversation that only happens when there's no clock and nowhere else to be.

That conversation gave me a window to speak into some things going through his mind. Not as a lecture. As a father who was listening first.

On a different note, I spent time teaching him about Arizona history. We stopped at spots along the way — old structures, markers, forgotten places — and talked about the people who were there before us and what their moment in time looked like. Photography gave us the excuse to stop. The stops gave us the conversations.

A Word to Fathers

I encourage you — get purposeful with your time as it relates to your kids. I have regrets with my older kids. I kick myself for not digging into this sooner. But here's the thing I've learned the hard way: it is never too late to get things moving in the right direction. Not too late to show up. Not too late to ask the question. Not too late to take the long way.

Your kids don't need a perfect father. They need a present one.

Share how you engage your kids in the comments — I'd love to get some new ideas.

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